The first time I thought to use the blanket definitely had something to do with Don leaving town again for a few nights. Anyone that knows him or notices him sweating all the time and never wearing a coat, would know or imply that he is unreasonably hot, all the time. In the winter, this makes sleeping next to him nice (in the summer, not so much). Anyway, I was missing him on a particularly chilly night, so I took out the blanket and inspected the cords. Everything looked kosher, and it didn't look that old so I decided to try it out. It was AMAZING. I blissfully watched a movie in bed snuggled under it, but when it was time to sleep I struggled with the choice of leaving it on or turning it off. Again, images of flaming beds crept into my mind, but I refused to believe this innocuous flowery flannel piece of heaven would hurt me. I asked it, "please don't barbecue me in my sleep" and drifted off to dreamland. After 2 more nights of sleeping in these womb-like conditions and reflecting on the experiences, I have compiled the following list.
Top 10 Reasons Why Electric Blankets Make Good Partner Replacements in Bed:
Disclaimer: Some of these may not apply to you and your partner.
10. The blanket covers most of your body with warmth instead of just the parts it likes.
9. You can adjust how warm the blanket is.
8. When you change positions, you don't accidently dive your limbs into cold spots because there are no cold spots.
7. The blanket doesn't move around or away from your cold hands and feet.
6. The entire blanket can be on top of you without crushing your chest cavity.
5. The blanket doesn't accidently elbow you in the face while sleeping.
4. The blanket doesn't pull the other covers off of you.
3. The blanket doesn't suddenly get sweaty.
2. The blanket doesn't fart or snore.
1. You can throw the blanket out of bed without hurting its feelings.
Now, to be fair, the electric blanket does NOT do a lot of good things, too many to list in fact. And I greatly appreciate my wonderful romantic and caring husband. But I would be lying if I said that the past few nights of sleep haven't been some of the best in my life.
You really need to consider a career in writing. As for the blanket, on the downside, its lifespan is limited though unlike humans, some do come with "conditional" guarantees and extended warrantees. Maintenance is low, price is reasonable and benefits, while seasonal and limited, are hard to ignore. Still, there's nothing like a sweaty, farty, snoring, blanket pulling, elbowing human next to you in bed. Eh?
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